Why don’t we conduct a little comparison here today?
I had a short-lived marriage, which resulted in two children, and which ended in divorce almost 35 years ago.
Our alienating parent also had a short-lived marriage, which resulted in two children, and which ended in divorce over 35 years ago.
And that’s pretty much where the similarities end.
I have not thought about my ex-husband for longer than I can remember. I have no idea where he is, what he does for a living, or anything about him. I certainly have no information about his wife — if he has one — and haven’t made it a point to find out what hobbies she enjoys. He left our state when our children were young and did not return to the area until they were in their teens. At that point, he contacted me and I told the boys it was their decision whether or not they wanted to see their father — since they were old enough to make that decision for themselves. They both declined. Since then, especially now that they are adults, it is entirely up to them as to whether or not they want to have a relationship with their biological father. It is really of no concern to me.
And then we come to our alienating parent … her children have had no relationship with their biological father for many years, yet she still feels this unwavering need to keep contact between herself, their father and their step-mother?
Unlike my situation, our alienating parent has made certain to keep up-to-date on the goings on at our house — as evidenced by our prior posts. She spends a great deal of time looking at current photos of her ex-husband, and knows all about my interests and hobbies, and makes them her own.
My husband and I have been happily married for 29 years. According to our alienating parent’s posts on the internet, she has also remarried. I have become part of my husband’s family and enjoy getting together with them and keeping in touch with them. And yes, I enjoy conducting genealogical research on the family I married in to.
Wouldn’t you think that our alienating parent would look to her future with her husband, instead of dwelling on the past with her ex-husband? Where’s the interest in her current husband’s family? None to be found is there? Maybe because she’s so obsessed with her ex-husband’s family, it doesn’t leave time for much else?
Even though I have two biological children from my first husband’s family, I have nothing about that family on our genealogy websites. I don’t feel the need to post information about my ex’s family — even though my children have biological ties to them — and I certainly don’t post ramblings about my relationship with them and/or my observations about anyone in their family.
In contrast, we all know about our alienating parent’s postings on my husband’s family, as well as my own. The postings have nothing to do with genealogy, which makes it a strange place for her to post her feelings. You’d think she’d stop for a minute and realize that people legitimately researching genealogy will come across her personal comments and wonder what they are doing in a genealogy forum. I’d be embarrassed, but considering she’s been doing it for years, guess it doesn’t bother our alienating parent?
Which of the above do you consider to be normal behavior, and which do you consider to be abnormal? There is actually a name for a situation such as our targeted parent is going through: it’s called Obsessive Ex Syndrome. Check it out and let us know if you agree with our “diagnosis.” 🙂