It’s been a good thing, to sit and actually write about what has been happening to us because, suddenly, it was like a light bulb went off and we realized what might actually be taking place!
Our alienating parent has often accused me of stalking her when, in actuality, she is the one spending hours watching my every move.
She accuses me of using genealogy to hurt others when she is the one posting information about living people under the names of their deceased’s ancestors, in addition to posting totally fictional accounts of her relationship with deceased individuals from her ex-husband’s family.
She claims that, judging from my appearance, I must be unhappy when she is the one using a photo that is decades old as a profile photo.
She claims I manipulated photos on a photo website when, as we’ve clearly shown, she was spending her lunch hour logging on and logging off of my photo website so she could manipulate my photos in the daily standings.
She accuses me of trying to invalidate her “research” …. which she actually does a pretty good job of herself! lol! Not to mention post, after post, after post where she is the one claiming how incorrect my genealogical research is — while her’s is Setting the Record Straight! 🙂
For those who are not familiar with genealogy and genealogical research, let me clarify it a little. Basic common sense will tell you that there are probably no family trees out there that are 100% accurate. Given the age of many records, the lack of records, mis-spellings, and so on and so forth, there is undoubtedly not one family tree that is entirely, 100% correct. I’ll be the first to admit that I must have mistakes in our family tree. Just as most serious, legitimate genealogists are aware that they also have errors in their research.
I’ve never come across anyone who actually claims that their tree is completely correct. I’ve also never come across anyone, other than our alienating parent, who posts information to Set the Record Straight, and posts information because they’ve seen so much incorrect information posted. That, right there, tells you the reason the person is posting — it’s not about family history or genealogy, it’s about proving someone else wrong.
When true genealogists and family historians come across a mistake, they usually contact the person, give them the correct information and allow them the opportunity to correct the information. But not our alienating parent … no, she makes sure to point out the incorrect information — buried deep in her “research” — so that any errors that are there will never be corrected. Sharing information is a huge part of genealogy. Holding back correct information is not well looked upon in genealogy circles.
But I digress ….. why would a person accuse another of the exact behavior she’s been exhibiting for years? Psychological projection might just be the answer we’ve been looking for!
“Psychological projection is a form of a defense mechanism in which someone attributes thoughts, feelings, and ideas which are perceived as undesirable to someone else. For example, someone who harbors racist ideas while believing that racism is socially undesirable might come to believe that a friend is racist, projecting his or her racism onto the other person. Projection may manifest in all kinds of ways, and while it may be a defense mechanism, it can also be very destructive. …. Being aware of psychological projection in interpersonal relationships can be very important. Before attributing thoughts or ideas to someone else, you may want to reflect on whether those beliefs can also be seen in yourself. If they can, there’s a chance that you might be projecting, and you may want to seek out a more reliable source on what someone else is thinking.” [Source: wiseGEEK]
Our alienating parent is certainly entitled to a defense mechanism or two, considering her childhood, so this really comes as no surprise. Doesn’t make it easier to live with, but it does make it a little easier to understand.