This is an excellent illustration of the results of Parental Alienation Syndrome which we’ve discussed previously. This is a post-em which our alienating parent’s daughter put on a genealogy website (of course) under her paternal grandfather’s name. And, of course, our alienating parent had to add it in to the narrative which actually appears under the grandfather’s name, because someone might miss it if they have to click on the “post-em” link. 🙂
First of all, my father-in-law would be mortified to see this listed under his name on the internet. Secondly, other genealogists are puzzled to see personal observations such as this posted on genealogy websites. We won a raffle from the Huron County Genealogical Society called “Who Do You Think You Are” and they are going to be undertaking some research on the my husband’s family. Imagine what they’ll think if they stumble across this little gem?
What does my father-in-law’s relationship with any of his daughters-in-law have to do with genealogy? Absolutely nothing. But that doesn’t stop our alienating parent, and now her daughter, from posting their personal thoughts and observations on genealogy sites.
Our alienating parent has a blog where she can post all the personal comments she wants to post. People who read that blog are interested in what she has to say. To post entirely inappropriate comments on a genealogy websites shows exactly how desperate these people are for me to read what they have to say. I don’t read their blog; I do, however, visit genealogy sites. So naturally that’s where they post their comments. Not thinking how they might appear to legitimate genealogists (or perhaps they just don’t care how ludicrous they appear?) and not thinking about the person they are posting these comments about. And I’m talking about my father-in-law, not me.
It’s easy to profess love for their dearly beloved grandfather and former father-in-law, but their actions tell another story: it’s more important to express what they’re feeling than to respect him now that he’s gone. As we said in our earlier post, it just goes to show how little respect they really have for this gentleman, who they claim to have loved so well.
But back to Parental Alienation Syndrome: our alienating parent’s daughter was 12 when her grandfather died. Yet, she knows that I did not like her grandparents? Was that from what she observed and remembers 24 years later? Well, as the court docket will show, there were extreme difficulties getting visitation with my husband’s children. We even went an entire year without seeing them at all. But this “child” — which is what she was at the time — is an expert on my relationship with my father-in-law?
Or is she actually stating what she had been told? If our alienating parent made such an effort to alienate these children from their own father, she certainly did the same with me.
My father-in-law was in the habit of getting in his car and just driving. Everyone who knew him is aware of that. He would suddenly pull up in our driveway, chat a few moments, and head on his way. We always invited him in, but he declined. Leave it to our alienating parent to turn that in to my making the children visit him in the driveway. Especially since during most of his visits, her children were not even at our house. So how do they know what took place there? Undoubtedly by what they were told.
Let me post here — and not on a genealogy website — I had great affection for my father-in-law. My mother-in-law and I had our moments — which I’ll go into more detail later. But we did eventually agree to disagree. I’ll never forget the time we were at her brother’s funeral. She had just lost her last sibling — she was the only child left. She was visibly upset and I went to her and put my arm around her. No words needed to be spoken.
And my father-in-law, oh my, he was a dear. Does our alienating parent’s daughter have any disdain for her mother, after learning about the letter her beloved grandfather received, due to her mother’s actions? No, but she can certainly tarnish his memory on genealogy websites by making ridiculous comments, based upon the alleged memories of a child … a child who was very rarely even at our house when her grandfather would drop by.
It makes for more drama if he had a daughter-in-law who didn’t like him instead of one who enjoyed his company and welcomed him at our home at any time.
So, in conclusion … here we have a “child” whose mother (who just happened to be custodial parent after her parents’ divorce and who has a history of Parental Alienation Syndrome) has her attorney write the child’s beloved paternal grandfather a letter, accusing him of spying on the mother and instructing him to limit his visits — but nothing is said and this “child” obviously thinks no less of her mother because of this situation. She certainly doesn’t feel the need post inane comments on the internet about her mother’s behavior toward her beloved grandparent.
Then, on the other hand, we have a step-parent, married to this “child’s” biological father — the same father she had very little contact with as she was growing up and whom she has subsequently banished from her life — and this “child” declares the step-parent didn’t like her grandparents. Based upon very limited experience in her father’s home? Or was it based upon what she heard at the home of the custodial parent?