The line Jack Nicholson immortalized from the movie “A Few Good Men” seems the perfect title for today’s blog.
We’ve tried to provide documentation when available to avoid being accused of lying, or this becoming a “she said ….. she said” situation. Of course, there are times that we’re unable to share actual documents. That being said, we’re aware of several instances where we know people have lied to our alienating parent, in order to protect her feelings, or to avoid a conflict with her. That is entirely understandable. And it does make many of our alienating parent’s rants more easy to understand as well, because she is basing her comments on what she has been told. Which, unfortunately, is oftentimes not the truth.
Are people hurting our alienating parent by lying to her, or helping? “When we enable people, we prevent them from experiencing the consequences of their own actions. We are also preventing them from realizing they have a problem and depriving them of fully reaching their own potential.”
If our alienating parent went to her sister and asked: “Did you say: ‘I haven’t talked to her in over a year because she’s so far gone,” do you think her sister would lie and say “No”? Probably.
If our alienating parent went to her daughter and asked: “Did you lie to me when you told me ******* [her granddaughter] said she loved me most in the whole wide world,” do you think her daughter would say “No”? Probably.
When we asked my stepdaughter why she lied to her mother, she told us: because she freaked out! So, it was easier to lie to her than to tell her the truth and deal with her freaking out. Our alienating parent’s sister also called my husband on one occasion and during the telephone conversation, told him that she hadn’t spoken to her sister in over a year, because “she’s so far gone.” Her solution to the problem of alienating parent’s behavior was, obviously, to simply avoid it.
Our alienating parent believes we’re lying when we tell of these occurrences, because she honestly believes what people are telling her. Doesn’t help the situation any, but it does explain it somewhat. Maybe she’s not as delusional as we thought and is simply reacting based upon the lies that she has been told by well-meaning family and friends?