An Open Letter to an Alienated Child

Even though we have had no contact with my husband’s children for many years, it was heartbreaking to hear the news that one of them was in jail.  We don’t know any details, other than what we saw on the news and read in the newspapers.  This is one of my husband’s children who, after being alienated from her father herself, decided to continue that behavior and in turn kept her children from her father ….. their grandfather.

She is an adult, but she is also an innocent victim of child abuse — as discussed in our previous post.  So what does a parent do?  Forgive and forget?  We’ve been down that road on more than one occasion and only ended up not being allowed to see my husband’s grandchildren … time, after time, after time.  Cut her out of our lives completely?  That’s difficult to do when you see that she obviously needs help.

We have no way of contacting her since she is in jail, but thought we would put this open letter on our blog, in the event she does read it at some point …..

Dear C,

I read in the newspaper that you said “I have learned my lesson and from this day forward, I know to make the correct decisions in my life.”

I would love nothing more than for that to be true.

I don’t know what led up to your being in jail.  Obviously, you made some poor decisions.

Did you also make a poor decision when you decided to keep your children from your father?  Would your children be better off right now if your Dad was in their lives?  Your attorney said you’re a great mother.  Would a great mother worry more about the anger she was feeling than what was best for her children?  Is it better for your children to grow up knowing they are loved and cherished by their grandfather, than thinking he doesn’t care about them?  Because, C, he does love them and would do anything for them, if you let him.

I don’t know about your relationship with your Dad.  He’s been kept from his grandchildren for almost 7 years now and is understandably pretty angry about that.  But I do know that he deeply loves M and C (he doesn’t even know your youngest) and would do anything for them, no matter how angry he might be at you.

Maybe it’s time to start making some better decisions?  Beginning with trying to heal your relationship with your Dad?  I don’t know what his reaction would be.  It might take a lot of time and a lot of effort to erase the past 7 years, but someone has to start somewhere.

He can keep his feelings about you separate from his feelings about his grandchildren, in order to help them.  Can you do the same in order to help your children?

You know how to get in touch with us.

C

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