Having lived through parental alienation for many years, we’ve come to learn many of the warning signs of PAS. While it may be too late for us, we thought we would share what we’ve learned with others in the hope that it might help someone being alienated from their children ….. before it’s too late.
Badmouthing: my husband’s children, when they were very young and would visit with us or his parents, would share things their mother had said about us, and about their paternal grandparents. They were often present when their mother would rant and rave about us to other people.
Limiting the other parent (as well as their extended family’s) contact with the children: all you have to do is review the Court docket in our particular case, and you can clearly see that the mother made every effort to limit her childrens’ time with their father.
Getting angry at the child: if the children would go home and tell about their visits with their father and I, if they made any indication that they enjoyed spending time with us, their mother would — and I quote the children here — “freak out!” The childrens’ parental grandmother told of an incident where the mother went to her, hysterical because she [the mother] thought the children “liked” me, their stepmother, better than they liked her. My mother-in-law was horrified by her behavior, her jealousy of the childrens’ relationship with me, and her apparent low self-esteem.
Forcing the child to chose between parents: our alienating parent, after the children spent Christmas with their father, greeted them upon their arrival home, crying and asking them why they hadn’t wanted to spend the holiday with her!
Discussing adult relationships with the child: this was an ongoing issue with our alienating parent. She discussed totally inappropriate subject matters with children as young as four and five years old.
Removing photos of the other parent: not only removing, but destroying them, as well!
Creating conflict: even as the children grew to adulthood, it was impossible to have a relationship with them, due to their mother’s ongoing attempts to create conflict …. which, incidentally, continues to this day.
Throwing out letters and gifts: one January, when we arrived to pick up the children, we saw a Barbie house that we had bought for one of the girls a month earlier for Christmas, in the trash.