Our recent posts dealt with feeling sympathy for an alienating parent, as well as recognizing many alienating parents’ inability to let go after a divorce, and the reasons therefor.
There are undoubtedly many explanations as to why a parent would put their feelings of anger, pain, insecurity, etc. before the best interests of their child or children, and purposely setting out to harm their children by denying them a relationship with the other parent.
Unfortunately, our alienating parent suffered terribly at the hands of her own father. So it is not difficult to understand why she, in turn, feels the need to alienate her own daughters from their father. In this instance, sympathy is definitely warranted. It doesn’t make it any easier for the targeted parent to deal with the loss of his children, but it does make understanding why this happened a little easier.
Over the years, our alienating parent has sought help, both through medications as well as counseling, but gave up on those treatments many years ago. Would things be different is she had followed through and seen those treatments to “completion?”
She is in her 60s and there is nothing we can say or do to encourage her to get the help she needs. That would have to come from her family and friends. We would, however, like to offer these suggestions to anyone who is aware of an adult survivor of child abuse who is still struggling:
Why Do I Have To Deal With It Now, If It Happened Back Then?
There are many reasons why children do not deal with the abuse at the time of the incident: unconscious feelings of shame, disbelief, self blame. Abusers may also threaten or bribe children into not speaking up, convincing the child that it is indeed their fault, and that they will never be believed otherwise. These tactics are used to silence the child. Under no circumstances, is the child to blame for the abuse. Although, if the abuse is not dealt with in a therapeutic and healing setting, the effects of past abuse will remain and undermine the victim for years to come.
Does It Get Better?
The worst part, the abuse, is over. Now your next step is to surround yourself with supportive loving people, and focus on the desire you have to heal yourself. This is your process. You must be gentle and patient with yourself as your healing process gently unfolds. You are giving yourself the gift of coming to life, again.
You are not alone, and in fact, in recognizing what has happened to you and speaking about your experience is one of the most vital components in the healing process. You have already taken a giant step. If you think that you have been a victim of sexual abuse, you need to take action immediately so your life will not be undermined by the past one day more. Get help.
[Source: www.psychotherapist.net ]