“I’m 36, happily married, and a father to a beautiful boy and a girl. I was raised by a single mom. When I was 22, I decided to find my father.
After hating him my whole life, I showed up at his doorstep one day. I said my peace, what was years of pent up anger and heartache of a little broken hearted boy. He didn’t interrupt. He thanked me for coming and for being so candid, and he calmly asked if I wanted to hear his ‘truth’. He chose to show me paperwork and pictures. He sent me home with bundles telling me to take my time and that his door was always open to talk.
In the bundles, I learned of the fight, the pain and the pure hell my DAD went through trying to be a part of my life. Equally maddening, I learned of the evil that my mother was. I read poems and his journal which helped form a bond instantly for us because HE was the one there for me all along, the one who really cared about me. He lost his whole life. My mother did everything she could to destroy his reputation and his life and to keep him from me. Solely because “she didn’t like him anymore” and likely a lot of jealousy. Keeping me from a good dad.
All the sleepless nights I had wondering what I did wrong or wondering what kind of dangerous freak helped to conceive me. And, I wondered if I held the same horrible fate. She told me so many lies over the years making me hate him more and more and making me pity her and feel like I had to comfort her for being a poor single parent. And I show up at this stranger’s doorstep one day cussing him out, like he hadn’t been beat and battered enough. And he NEVER once said an ill word about my mom.
I can’t imagine if I hadn’t worked up the guts to go to his door that day. I never would have known the great man I am privileged to call dad.
My dad passed away last year. I only had 13 years with him but HE has made me the man and father I am today. My only regret now is not knocking on his door sooner and ending his pain sooner. To all of the “kids” wondering, don’t wait. Go find your answers now. To mothers and fathers fighting to be a part of your kid’s life, you are all heroes in my book.”
[Source: Time to Put Kids First; January 2016 newsletter]