My husband and his former wife, the mother of his children, have been divorced for almost 38 years. He has not had a relationship with his children for several years. Even though that is the case, our alienating parent posted the following on her blog (which was created after she learned we had begun this blog):
The first portion of the blog is our alienating parent’s thoughts about our situation, and then she chose to share the information our son had posted on a fundraising website. You’ll notice our alienating parent took it upon herself to highlight the language about our out-of-pocket expenses, and label it “Deductible.”
First, let me start out by saying that this entry is password protected on our alienating parent’s blog. One of the people that she has given the password to was so horrified by this post that they shared it with us. So, people (friends and family) whom our alienating parent has chosen to share her deepest thoughts with, find her ramblings disturbing enough to share with us.
Secondly, let me remind everyone that this individual has been divorced from her ex-husband for almost four decades. Yet, she presumes that she still knows all about his health care insurance?
“Poor Choice in Insurance Deductible so seek funds from friends” is the title of her post. How does she know her ex-husband made a poor choice in his insurance deductible? She doesn’t. But, as usual, truth and accuracy are not prerequisites when it is time for her to voice her opinion.
And why is she even voicing her opinion about her ex-husband’s medical condition (and yes, she had a blog post about his health crisis too) and/or his medical insurance coverage? What business is it of hers?
But back to her allegation that we made a poor choice when it came to our insurance deductible. Contrary to what our alienating parent claims, we had no choice when it came to our health care insurance:
My husband is a retiree, who is not yet eligible for Medicare. The above is his plan document. Therefore, our insurance is administered by Medical Mutual. Period. I don’t see any options available to us, do you? Our alienating parent wasn’t aware of that, was she? But that didn’t stop her from pontificating about our so-called choice when it came to our deductible.
And then we come to the actuality of our insurance plan: our coinsurance is more than our deductible. Here are just a couple examples of the incredible number of bills we incurred as a result of my husband’s brain tumor and subsequent treatment for brain cancer (which is still currently ongoing):
On the first bill, our deductible was less than our coinsurance. On the second bill, our deductible had already been met, but we still owed almost $700.00 as coinsurance.
Our alienating parent’s version: We made a poor choice on our deductible for health care insurance. — versus the truth: (1) we had no choice; and (2) our coinsurance was higher than our deductible.
Our alienating parent had absolutely no idea whether or not we chose a deductible, how much that deductible might be, how much we were required to pay as coinsurance, etc. — but that didn’t stop her from posting a blog sharing her opinion of our situation.
And then our alienating parent goes on to suggest that we sell luxury items and pay our bills. Is she aware of any luxury items that we might own? No. How could she? But that is her opinion and, by God, she’s going to put it out there! Even though it is not anywhere near being accurate.
What’s especially ironic is this comment was made by someone who has filed for bankruptcy, as well as lost a house to foreclosure. Did our alienating parent sell any so-called luxury items that she might have owned to pay her bills? Maybe she did. We certainly don’t know. But we do know she filed for bankruptcy and lost a house to foreclosure. Obviously she is the last person who should be giving financial advice to anyone, but — again — that doesn’t stop her from giving her opinion.
I would normally not share such personal information, but this is the face of parental alienation.
You have someone who has not been part of your life for almost 38 years, someone who has absolutely no knowledge of your situation (especially something as personal as your health care insurance coverage), someone who has no idea whether you own — or do not own — “luxury” items …. but that person feels the need to share her thoughts and opinions about your predicament when someone creates a fundraising website to help you pay medical bills.
And, by the way, how did she know about that fundraising website in the first place? Is she, perhaps, still stalking her ex via the internet, 38 years after their divorce?
Our alienating parent was successful in ending the parent / child relationship between my husband and his children many years ago. Yet, she still can’t let go. She accomplished her goal, but still feels the need to comment about her ex-husband and his status. She has posted on her blog about his medical condition, the fact that his oldest daughter called him, her opinions about forgiveness, details about his health care insurance (inaccurate though they may be), and on and on and on.
The “children” of this marriage are in their late 30s and early 40s. But they cannot have a relationship with their father, without their mother posting her assessments of him and various situations he finds himself in, on the internet.
It is none of her business, but she makes it her business. She has no idea what she is even talking about, but voices her point of view anyway.
Yet, the “children” continue to maintain a relationship with her. A woman who butts into their father’s business decades after their divorce, a woman who has no idea what she is even talking about, but will tell other’s what they’ve done wrong and how they should live their lives ……
But they won’t have a relationship with a man who loves them, a man who has worked hard all of his life, only to be stricken with a terrible medical condition ….. all because it might upset their mother, or she might “freak out?”
That is the phenomenon of parental alienation.
And, last but not least, does anyone who read our alienating parent’s blog post believe that this person did not do her best to alienate her children from their father?
If she is speaking about him in this manner, almost 40 years after their divorce, can you image the way she was speaking about him in the days and years immediately following the divorce? If his situation is her business now, when her children are grown adults and have had no relationship with their father for years, can you imagine how she spoke about him and his situation(s) while he was trying to maintain a relationship with his children when they were young?
To quote our targeted parent: “There was no way she was going to allow me to have a relationship with the girls.” And, unfortunately, it turns out that he was right.