During a recent conversation, we heard our alienating parent described as “bossy.”
The person we were communicating with was being very gracious, and very reluctant to speak badly about someone she really didn’t know …..but she did have to admit that our alienating parent was, well ….. bossy.
This person is not our alienating parent’s ex, her children, family member, nor co-worker. Yet, even though she had not been in contact with our alienating parent in such a personal manner, and actually had very little contact with our alienating parent at all, she came away from her interaction with our alienating parent with the distinct impression: she’s bossy.
We always thought our alienating parent was overly critical of the father of her children and adamant that she, and only she, could make decisions where her children were concerned as a result of their bitter divorce, but it appears she treats other people in the same manner.
With that in mind, we thought we would offer this advice for others dealing with bossy people:
5 Tips That Will Help You Handle Bossy People Better
It’s not uncommon to have people who are “pushy” or bossy in our acquaintance. These people come across as being highly insensitive to our personal space, and sensitivities, and seem to impinge upon our independence. You may have a bossy father, mother, brother, sister, spouse, neighbor or a friend, it doesn’t matter what role these people play in your life, their attitude will cause you to feel insulted, humiliated, patronized, resentful or upset. Bossy people are not necessarily “ill intentioned”, but they tend to impose their will and intent upon others, thus impinging on their space and freedom. In this article we seek to give some pointers on how to deal with bossy people in your life.
1.) Stay in Touch with Your Inner Guidance – When you are under the influence of bossy people, they can easily get you to do things that don’t feel “good” to you. It’s not uncommon for bossy people to use threat, anger, argument and emotional pressure, to get you to do their bidding, and if you are not in touch with your own inner guidance, you will fall a victim to their pressure.
No matter how much someone tries to impinge on your freedom, it’s possible for you to stand your ground when you feel confident of your own guidance. When you are not sure of what’s right or wrong from you, it’s easy to be influence by bossy people.
2.) Don’t Live in Fear of a Bossy Person – The weapon which most bossy people wield to get their bidding done is “fear”. They may use their influence to instill fear in you to get you to abide by their conditions. It’s common to see some parents using the fear of punishment to get their children to do their bidding.
If you really want to be free of the influence of a bossy person, you will have to consciously stop being taken in by “fear” created by their force. It’s possible to overcome any fear by staying alert and aware when fearful emotions try to take over. Fear will not have power over you if you don’t fear the fear, but stay absolutely rooted in your awareness of it.
3.) Put Your Freedom Above Everything Else – When you feel victimized by people who are bossy around you, it’s simply a reaction of your being to the loss of freedom that you feel within. Only you have the power to reclaim your freedom, and stay free, no-one else can really help you with this. You will always be free of victimizing influences, if you place your freedom above everything.
When freedom is your priority, everything else somehow just comes back into harmony on its own. Remember that a bossy person cannot really take your freedom away from you unless you give him/her the permission to do. Put freedom above money, relationship and other forms of “pseudo” security that your mind may be seeking. When you feel free within, your external reality will automatically attract benevolent factors into your existence. You will have to deal with bossy people all your life if you are willing to give away your freedom under their influence.
4.) Be Willing to Speak up Your Stand – It’s necessary to make your stand clear, and speak up for yourself, when someone is trying to boss around with you. The only way to deal with bossy people, who try to order you around, is to let them know that you will not stand such behavior.
Don’t get reactive or emotional, but speak from a space of calm presence. Don’t try to put the other person down, but just make your stand clear, letting them know what you prefer and what your requirements are. Don’t be intimidated by their reaction, just stay calm and composed, rooted in your stand.
5.) Remember there is Nothing that You Need to do – Life is not a “do or die” reality. There is nothing that you “have” to or “need” to do, there are no limitations except the ones that you impose upon yourself. Life is always free and it does not impose any restrictions on your freedom.
The only restriction that lies in your life comes from your own mind. The reason you give in to bossy people is because you feel that you “have” to do their bidding in order to have a secure life. In truth there is no security in bondage, and though freedom may seem like an uncertain, and may be insecure, arena to the mind, the opposite is actually the case. When you choose freedom over security, it turns out that security emerges from this choice, quite automatically.
In order to deal with bossy people you need to overcome your fear and insecurity, and find security in your inner guidance. The mind is fearful but your heart always knows the right path to take. Listen to your heart and train your mind to stand up for what your heart feels is true. True freedom arises when you always make the choice to follow your heart over the fears created by the mind.