Parental / Grandparent Alienation …… The big question is Why?

My last post got me to thinking:  how can someone hate another so much that they would be willing to harm their own children in order to hurt their former spouse, or their own father?

In our particular case, our targeted parent endured being alienated from his children and then — no surprise — from his grandchildren.  Because, you see, his own daughter followed in her mother’s footsteps and kept her children from her father, just like she had been kept from him.

And I can’t help buy wonder …… why?  As I pointed out in my previous post:  there is nothing normal about having ill will and hatred toward people who have never harmed you or your children.

So why did our targeted parent’s daughter make the decision to keep her children from her father?  He had never harmed her, and certainly had never harmed her children.  Just like he had never harmed his ex-wife, and had never harmed his children.  So what was the justification for the actions of these women?

Perhaps the daughter behaved like she did because that is what she was taught as a child herself?  She learned, from a young age:  if you’re angry, punish the person who made you angry.  And how best to punish a loving grandparent?  By keeping him from his grandchildren.

Looks like I just answered my own question, doesn’t it?

Alienated Grandparents Anonymous Incorporated

Alienation is a willful intimidation. It involves such issues as personality disorders including narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, delusional disorder, etc.;unresolved childhood issues, pathological lying, manipulation, brainwashing, mind control, neuro-linguistic programming, and cult-like thinking.  It is about power and control.  It is frequently multi-generational generational.

The unjustified abusive controlling behavior of our adult children is creating a lifetime of emotional problems for our grandchildren.  It is considered by the experts in Alienation to be a severe form of child abuse, and a severe form of elder abuse. Abuse is never acceptable; abuse is never OK.  

AGA’s  qualified professional consulting experts help grandparents/parents come to understand the varied dynamics involved in the complex realities of Grandparent Alienation-GA and Parental Alienation Syndrome-PAS. 

AGA offers strategies for repairing, rebuilding, and healing these relationships with the gatekeeper…our adult children; and, then the grandchilren will follow. AGA offers coping skills to help manage the devastating emotional pain of being disconnected from our grandchildren.

Understanding the complexities of alienation helps grandparents.  Knowledge is power.  When we hear this information  which we can personally identify, a light bulb goes off in our minds; and, a new piece of the puzzle comes together.  If you take away with you even one piece of information from each meeting and our website, process it, and then apply it to your adult children and grandchildren; eventually, you will begin to see a clearer picture of the bewildering phenomena of our own children not wanting us to have a place in their lives and in our grandchildren’s lives.

You will come to realize that if you did not cause this, then you cannot fix this campaign of denigration. Healthy minds want to fix things, unhealthy minds do not.  You will come to understand that you should not be embarrassed by this estrangement, and that you can stop blaming yourselves. You are not suffering alone. This website receives thousands of hits each month. AGA has a presence in  all 50 states of the USA, and 16 countries

AGA recognizes that each situation is unique; however, many commonalities are shared.  Simply knowing that you are not alone on this traumatic journey, helps you cope better with the heartbreak and frustration of being a targeted grandparent.

AGA support group meetings allow grandparents to share their stories and strategize with one another.  Suggestions for communication and reunification will be discussed based on the information provided by our international expert consultants. Grandparents who attend will remain anonymous so that everyone will feel free to openly share their plight. It is a place for those experiencing this excruciating emotional trauma to share circumstances with those who “get it”.

AGA meetings may include guest speakers. An interactive discussion would be included. After each meeting, grandparents may then consult individually with all AGA professionals in attendance.

Here’s a link providing more information about Alienated Grandparents Anonymous Incorporated:

Alienated Grandparents Anonymous Inc.


“Parental” alienation extends to grandparents as well

We’re sharing a portion of a letter our targeted parent wrote to his ex back in 1984:


As you can see, he tried to show just how wrong it was for a parent to have her children write to the other parent about holiday visitation.

But another, even more disturbing aspect to this communication is the situation he described between his 6 and 9 year old children, and his parents!

By the time my husband wrote that letter, however, his parents had already been told they could not longer babysit their grandchildren:

5-1984 notice redacted

When the alienating parent gets angry, the first thing the family hears: you’re not allowed to see the children.

My in-laws had watched the children for years, helping out whenever and wherever they could. When our alienating parent became angry, however, that all changed. Even though she then went on to complain about the cost of hiring a babysitter for Saturday mornings. She had loving grandparents ready, willing and able to watch the children until it was time for their father to pick them up — in accordance with the Court ordered visitation, of course — but our alienating parent, instead, chose to try and hurt her ex, through his parents, by limiting the grandparents’ time with the children.

Maybe this explains why our alienating parent is so adamant about posting a fictional account about her relationship with her former in-laws on genealogy websites …. to make up for how she actually treated them?