Narcissism and Parental Alienation Syndrome

Our alienating parent has been diagnosed as suffering from Narcissist Personality Disorder, so it was with great interest that we read the following article, which was written by Sharie Stines, Psy.D

“It is beneficial for therapists, those in the law profession, and individuals involved with the children of narcissistic clients or partners to be aware of a concept known as parental alienation syndrome, how it is created, and what to do about it.  In a normal attachment relationship, people are not interchangeable because each person is valuable in and of him or herself.  However, this is not true for a narcissist.  Narcissists have very shallow relationships in which people are interchangeable.  One clue for a therapist to take note of when doing family therapy or parent/child conflict therapy is if the child has “interchanged” parents.  If a therapist notices that a child is not connecting with a nurturing parent, but instead is calling him or her by their first name, then something is amiss in the attachment system.  Basically, children do not reject parents.  Under relatively healthy conditions, no matter what a parent does, children do not reject them.  When you find a child rejecting a parent then you are witnessing an inauthentic attachment system.

Children are motivated to bond with parents.  Even in a conflictual parent-child relationship, the child is still motivated to bond with the parent.  This is a typical attachment experience between a parent and child.  In parental alienation, we see detachment behavior, not attachment behavior.  When therapists encounter a child rejecting a parent, not just having conflict with a parent, but completely detaching from a parent, then they are most likely witnessing parental alienation syndrome.  In parental alienation there is no grief response to the separation between the parent and child.

While human attachment systems develop in early childhood as internal working models, humans continue to search for important attachment relationships throughout their lives, using their early working models as guides.  When people develop personality disorders, they tend to have disorganized-preoccupied attachment style working models, which they carry on throughout their lives.

When a narcissistic parent experiences a great loss, such as a divorce, they do not feel normal grief like a typical person; rather, they experience a narcissistic wound to their fragile ego, which is manifested as anger and rejection of the other parent.  The narcissist“splits” and makes the other parent all bad.  When parental alienation occurs, it is because the narcissistic parent has implied to the child that the other parent is the “bad” parent and is the one causing the child’s pain.  The child internalizes the narcissistic parent’s anger and resentment toward the other parent and also rejects the other parent.  When the child is with the healthier parent, who is able to attach in a healthy way, painful emotions are brought up because the child needs/wants to bond, but they are conflicted because they have bought in to the theory that this parent is bad, which leads to feelings of alienation and sadness.

When the child is with the narcissistic parent, there is no attachment motivation available because of the nature of narcissistic relationships, and the child does not feel bad.  This is because when the child is with the non-narcissistic parent he or she feels the natural grief response, which is painful, and when the child is with the narcissistic parent he or she does not feel the grief response.  The child interprets this incorrectly thinking that they feel bad because the non-narcissistic parent is abusive.

Suffice it to say that the syndrome is created by the personality disordered parent by means of covert manipulation of the child based on the disordered parent’s delusional beliefs and ego defense mechanisms which are activated by the threat of abandonment by the other parent.   The disordered parent’s early attachment system model is in full operation and the unhealthy parent feels the threat of early attachment trauma.

Therapy for a child with parental alienation syndrome involves reorienting the child to his “authentic self” by helping him to reattach to the nurturing, non-narcissistic parent, by reteaching him how to bond with that parent.

I would like to acknowledge Dr. Craig Childress for providing valuable information and research regarding this complicated issue (http://drcachildress.org/).

[Source:  http://pro.psychcentral.com/ ]

3 keys that make parental alienation so powerful

Parental Alienation

  • The 3 keys that make parental alienation so powerful, even after your child is away from the alienator…
  • Why your child thinks THEY are making the decisions, when they are actually being manipulated through the “illusion of choice”
  • How to trigger reflection to reconnect with your child
  • Overall discover a weapon being used AGAINST you, and a new tool that YOU can use to be alienation…
  • Plus…learn it all from a child of parental alienation who reunited!

http://parentalalienationprogram.com/

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The Importance of a Father in a Child’s Life

Researchers found that, overall, the love — or rejection — of mothers and fathers equally affects kids’ behavior, self-esteem, emotional stability, and mental health. “But in some cases, the withdrawal of a father’s love seems to play a bigger role in kids’ problems with personality and psychological adjustment, delinquency, and substance abuse,” says study coauthor Ronald P. Rohner, Ph.D., director of the Center for the Study of Parental Acceptance and Rejection at the University of Connecticut in Storrs. And for others, the presence of a father’s love may do more to boost children’s sense of well-being and improve their emotional and physical health.

[Source:  www.parents.com ]

After all the evidence, how can a mother justify keeping a child from it’s father, just to make herself feel better, feel more important …. and even more disturbing, to hurt the other parent?

EX-WIVES WHO BECOME PARENTAL ALIENATORS — American Fathers

To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PA. You will notice that many of the symptoms or behaviors focus on the parent. When the child exhibits hatred and vilifies the targeted parent, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. After reading the list, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.

via EX-WIVES WHO BECOME PARENTAL ALIENATORS — American Fathers

The Domestic Violence of Parental Alienation

Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based "Parental Alienation" (AB-PA)

I was housecleaning some of the writing files on my computer and I came across an essay from 2011 that I started and never finished… five years ago.  That’s how long this has been waiting.  I read through it and decided it was time now to finish it.  In fact it’s overdue.

This essay is now on my website, buried up toward the top because there are just too many writings piling up on my website.  I need to do some housecleaning on my website too, but there are so many things calling for my attention.

The direct link to this essay is:

The Domestic Violence of Parental Alienation

The pathology of “parental alienation” is psychological child abuse.

The pathology of “parental alienation” is domestic violence; spousal abuse.

These are facts.  The pathology of “parental alienation” is the manifestation of a narcissistic personality psychopathology within the family.  The narcissistic/(borderline) spouse-and-parent…

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How Sabotaging Stepmoms Hurts Your Children — bcbonusmomblog

Reposted from ReMarried With Children You expected mothering to be a solo job. You and your husband raising your kids together, with no one to interfere—okay, except the media and public education. You anticipated tender, private moments with your children. So much for that. Along came divorce. Worse still, your husband remarried. You didn’t sign […]

via How Sabotaging Stepmoms Hurts Your Children — bcbonusmomblog

New Book Underway Against Parental Alienation

Welcome to Leon Koziol.Com

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By Dr.Leon R. Koziol

As our followers are aware, I offer professional writing services to those who wish to publish their court ordeals. Many are motivated to expose corruption, others to provide a biography for their children or reputations. Whatever the reason, I have been applying decades of trial and appellate experience in numerous courts to make such stories a reality.

Publishing a book is no easy task. Many claim a commitment to do so but never follow through. There are pitfalls when producing a manuscript and marketing it to a trustworthy publisher. There’s also a concern for defamation particularly when prominent people are being criticized. I successfully sued one publisher for incompetence. It received coverage as far away as London, England, and the company was forced to go out of business.

So do yourself a favor, get a manuscript and publishing process underway by doing it right. Contact me…

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The Drama of the Alienated Child

Karen Woodall

This week I have been re-reading the Drama of Being a Child by Alice Miller. For any readers not familiar with her writing I would urge you to find out more about her thinking, which is rich in empathy and full of close observations about the inner world of children.  Additionally,  Miller writes widely about how we become alienated from our true selves by everyday parenting practices. When I read her writing, I become ever more conscious that what happens to alienated children is a malfunctioning of what could and should be empathic attunement to the individual needs and feelings of a child. It is a disruption of the child’s right to grow to feel their own feelings and an imposition of adult responses to the world onto a vulnerable, virtually helpless being. Which makes me angry and then sad, at the way in which normalised parenting practices trample on…

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