The alienated “children” in our particular case are adults. They’ve made the decision to end their relationship with their father. And, really, who can blame them. Their parents divorced when the youngest child was less than a year old, so the only life they’ve ever know with their father was one filled with drama, disagreements and battles between their parents, lies and deceit on the part of the alienating parent, months — and sometimes years — where they did not see or even talk to their father or paternal grandparents.
Who can blame them for making the decision to have some peace in their lives, and if that comes at the price of giving up their relationship with their father — while it might be unfortunate, everyone can certainly understand.
Because, you see, if they had a relationship with their father today, all of the problems would still be going on. There was no end in sight, so they made the only decision they could — to give up their father. That was the only way to end all of the drama that was a daily part of their lives.
If you talk to my step-children, they would affirm their feelings that family is of the utmost importance. They, themselves, have had disagreements with each other, as well as with their mother, the alienating parent. They would go for periods of time and not speak to each other, or their mother. But they always managed to talk things out, forgive each other for whatever had happened in the first place, and continue on as a family.
Why can’t they do that with their father? Because they have never considered him to be “family.” It’s as simple as that.
We haven’t spoken to my step-children in several years, but hope they are doing well and prospering. We want the best for them. And if that means sacrificing our relationship with them, then that’s the price we’re wiling to pay. They’ve suffered enough over the years, dealing with the parental alienation that has programmed them to behave the way they do toward their father. We would never think of adding to that suffering by attempting to maintain a relationship with them, knowing full well the consequences of our actions: more drama, strife and turmoil.
Because you see, in our particular case, there is never any way that these children can have a relationship with their mother, as well as their father. Unfortunately, their mother will never stop the alienation, so long as the children continue communicating with their father.
We’ve added a page to this blog, about our journey through parental alienation:
This is just a small sampling of what we have been through over the past 30 years. Read it and then hopefully you can understand why we are not willing to add any further anxiety or turbulence to the “children” who have already suffered so much.
Ours is an extreme case of parental alienation. And the only way the children can end the alienation? By ending their relationship with the targeted parent.
Hopefully others can learn from our situation. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Do everything you can to stop the alienation. My husband’s divorce took place in the 1970s. I would like to think that, if this were happening to us today, and we took all of the documentation we have and put it before a judge, he/she would see the harm being done to these children and put a stop to it. But, just because it’s too late for us, doesn’t mean it’s too late for others.